I usually spend my mornings with a cup of coffee and the newspaper. This sounds like a pretty normal thing to do, but my morning has a bit of a 21st century slant to it. I read the Chicago Tribune and the New York Times online version. I also occasionally read the Sun-Times when Mo’s work is mentioned.
Occasionally, I follow a stream of consciousness (if you know me well, you’ll realize that in the mornings, it is a stream of semi-consciousness.) and see where it leads me. Usually, it sends me to Wikipedia. This morning I found myself reading about Saints. My two favorites are St. Francis and St. Jude. St. Francis is my favorite for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that he is my Mother’s favorite. He, or at least a figurine and a picture, plays an important part in keeping my Mom in contact with her sister. I also love and have spent a lot of time working with animals; horses in particular. I’m also a semi-vegetarian (fish and eggs, but no meat or fowl.)
My attraction to St. Jude is a bit more personal. One could say I carry him with me all the time. As many of you know, I have an artificial aortic valve. It is called a St. Jude’s valve. I’ve always thought it was funny to name a heart prosthetic after the patron saint of lost causes! I don’t remember reading his epistle. I need to. But I do know he writes to The Church and tells them to be strong in times of tribulation. I also know, at least in Catholicism, St. Jude is invoked in prayer.
Prayer has always confused me. It has never really made any sense to me. So, for many years, I quit doing it. After a few months in seminary, I began to realize that prayer, like many things in the church, is not really for God, it is for us. Prayer makes us feel better. This actually helped and helped me make some links between Christian prayer and Hindu chanting , Buddhist Meditation etc. It brings us closer to the Divine. It clears our head and opens us to God’s presence.
So, ok, I got that part figure out. But in my morning haze today, I followed a link to The Dominican Shrine of St, Jude in Chicago. I thought that I might find the address of the place and sometime I’d make a pilgrimage of sorts and go to see this church. I love architecture and Chicago history and I think Catholic churches are really cool! So this seems like a good trip to make. What I found on the website was a discussion of prayer. People are invited to leave prayer requests and the priests at the church pray for these people. The tradition then is to thank St. Jude in writing for answered prayers.
So, I’m still confused. Personal prayer and devotion I have figured out. I guess intercessory prayer works on the same level. It makes individuals feel better to know that someone is praying for them. This then helps them to harness their energy and they then create their own miracles. Now, before I get excommunicated, I want to make clear that I think God is involved in this process. My confusion is about where He fits in. (Style note: When discussing my limited understanding of God, I use the masculine pronoun. I fully understand the limiting nature of sexist and non-inclusive language. This limitation is precisely why I use these terms. I know that the very understanding I am discussing is limited; so, using limited language makes sense. Also, I’m too lazy to try and think of another word!)
Does intercessory prayer work? Well, yes sort of. It certainly makes my family feel better when I’m ill. It makes me feel better to know people are concerned about me and have an outlet for that concern. But intercessory prayer for me raises a larger theological question. How does prayer affect God? It seems to me that many people find this to be a simple proposition. They pray; God answers. But how about those folks who don’t get what they prayed for? Their loved one dies in surgery or in the ICU? The treatment doesn’t work etc. What happened? Did they not pray hard enough? If this is so, then they are, in effect, being punished for not praying well enough. What sort of God does that?
Again I find myself bumping up against the same wall: Theodicy. When Bad Things Happen To Good People by Rabbi Kushner is a wonderful book about how to handle these things when they happen. I want to know WHY bad things happen to good people. After a year in seminary, I’m not any closer to finding out. The most honest answer I’ve gotten is from a professor who lost his daughter in a sudden, tragic and rather gruesome accident. He said, “Stuff happens.” I imagine he wanted to say “Shit happens” but he didn’t think that was appropriate language for a seminary class and textbook. But it does happen; and it happens all the time. Is it too much to ask that I understand why? Perhaps that is why they call it faith, and not understanding. Maybe someday that’ll make me feel better. Not today. Right now, I’m heading up to school to talk to the Dean about the possibility I might be out for a while. All I can think of to say is: Pray for me. Maybe that is part of my answer…
