Thoughts on ordination

I've really been struggling with the whole ordination thing since I started seminary. I've had a glimpse of what must occur for me to become ordained in the UMC. It a'int pretty. It is long, difficult, political process, full of hoops to jump through; hoops which can only be justified by the phrase, everyone else has had to do it! And at any time, for any reason, at the mere whim of those in authority, your application can stall, you can be forced to repeat a part, returned to the beginning of the process or simply kicked out. In short, there is a lot of nonsense associated with it. (You probably know what word I really wanted to use, but I can't bring myself to using that word to discuss something that SHOULD be holy.)

The process is awful. But I've also not been sure of my "call." I sit in church or class or chapel at school with great preachers and theologians. {Some of them are even faculty :) ! } I have so many class with people who know so much more about theology and the bible etc. So many of my classmates are so secure in their faith. I know that most everyone here has doubts, and if they don't, they probably aren't paying attention. But I can't speak for them. I can only speak for me. I simply don't know what I believe. I don't know that I can be a representative of God on earth. After all, isn't that what being ordained is all about? When we put on the collar, aren't we saying that we are set aside by God for a higher purpose?

In the past, when I didn't understand a concept I'd ask my mother. She invariably would say, "Look it up!"

So I did. The Oxford English Dictionary has a number of definitions for ordination. Here are some of my favorites:

• Arrangement in orders or classes; classification.
• The action or fact of being destined (to an end or purpose); designated or ordained function; purpose, design, or disposition
• A thing which is ordained; an ordinance, decree, statute, law; a prescribed observance

There was nothing in there about being ordained by God. Obviously, there was an entry for ordination by the church. But nothing in there about ordination by God. At first, that may seem like a distinction without a difference. After all, isn't the church an extension of God on earth? Well yes, sorta. But to think that the church is the only way God communicates to me is to limit God. Part of my problem has been my expectation of a divine voice coming through the sky to tell me that I'm special and that I need to be ordained. Well, as it turns out, Ashbrook's comment "We are no different than those that come to us." (Ashbrook, James. Minding the Soul: Pastoral Counseling as Remembering. Fortress Press,

1996.) while initially intended to discuss the "wounded healer" nature of pastoral caregivers, it has something to say about ordination too.

Everyone has a calling. My lovely wife Mo is called to be an attorney, and to be my partner; My mom was called to be a teacher, wife, mother, musician; Dad was called to serve his country, be a father, serve his church; my sister to be a nurse and mother. I've always known I was called to help people. I just have never known exactly how. Turns out, I'm called to be a Pastoral caregiver, probably as a chaplain. I'm called to use my understanding of theology (as unbelievably limited as it is) and my understanding of counseling theory and human nature to help people deal with incredibly difficult situations. To be bothered by the prospect of going through all of the nonsense required to become ordained by the church is to be unfaithful to that calling. The church is imperfect. The church is limited. The church is broken. But there is no other entity that I have ever been involved with that has a mission statement of helping people and making the world a better place. There is no other organization I can be a part of that will so effectively help me live out my calling. So, despite the difficulty, despite the arbitrariness, despite the nonsense. I'll pursue ordination as UMC clergy. Not because I'm called to be a minister, but because I'm called to help people and that is the best way for me to live out that calling.

An interesting Post Script. an hour and a half after I wrote this, I got a call from the church where I am doing a Pastoral Care internship. Every Wednesday morning for 7:30 to 9:00 they serve communion. The clergy take turns. Due to a last minute scheduling change, they didn't have anyone to cover the last 45 minutes. So, tomorrow, for the first time ever I will serve communion. Moreover, I'll be functioning as a member of the clergy. Robe and everything...